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Gourmet Cookies
CokeOnCrack (COC) [Thin-Crispy Choc. Chip]
$5
These proper baddie-boys will have you on a *tight* chokehold. Brown buttery melt-in-your-mouth crispy edges, engulfed in three kinds of drippy seductive chocolate, you’d clock a bitch in a stretcher to get your hands on one! Yes, they make you mercilessly unsharing! So worth it bruh.
Hard Starter (HS) [Cinnamon Roll]
$7
These dirty soft Sinful-Cinnamon roll sirens will get you stiff and aching in places impossible to imagine! The lickable cinna roll filling, erotically swirled into mouth-watering warm pillowy dough… bloody hell! Just grab one (dozen!) with a jug of milk, then die and go to heaven. Moans***
EAT ME NOW (EMN) [Lemon Chip]
$5
This fresh, virginal Vitamin C bomb will entirely change your arousal template. Charged up with freshly squeezed organic lemons and loaded with zhuzzy zest and lemon chip-bits, this sensational treat WILL replenish ALL your erotic centres. Feel free to gift this to your boo for a quick dirty reminder that whispers loudly: Tr(EAT) Me Right Now!
It Got Wild In That Bitch (IGW) [Marshmallow Choc. Chip]
$5
If a dirty chocolate chip cookie had rough, unprotected sex multiple times with a succulently willing rice krispy bar, this Bitch emerges! The lightest/airiest/fluffiest cookie on the menu features a sexy crunch of rice krispies doused in Swiss chocolate and other sensual clouds of flavors that’ll turn you into a wild fiend that only breathes to seek (and acquire) the dirtiest of pleasures. Dream state aaah!
Ivy League Shag (ILS) [French Fondant Brownie]
$7
Obliterate the walls around your desire and COME ON over to the posh side! The erogenous intimacy between French fondue and a dirty Brit brownie will leave you tingling, vibrating, appealing, pleading, begging... even squealing for more - Politely, of course! So carnal yet tender, just bow to it already.
Whore In Church (WIC) [Cinnamon Oatmeal]
$5
In any case of orgasmic emergency, these act like dirty first-aid kits you’ll never want to share - not even with the Pope! Luscious oatmeal dipped in delicate cinnamon, brown-butter edges making contact with a chewy, immorally-tender centre, all beaming in the angelic light of European white chocolate - the result? Biblically, devastatingly delicious! And you will skip church mass to grab a mouthful of these instead! Dirtiest part? You’ll feel zero guilt whatsoever babyyy!
Concept: An ooey gooey dough of rich buttery goodness knocked up heavily with the most exquisite of melt-in-your-mouth chocolate chunks and chips. Mum would (not) approve! This cookie monstrosity would amp up any occasion, whether it’s a pity party, divorce jollifications, celebrating the sublime child-free life or an unexpected baby shower - or just inhale the hell out of them (alone) because you’re a ferocious believer in the significance of the ideology: ‘size matters’!
Visualize getting punched in the face with flavours so temptingly pompous that your very first impulse is to pray - yes, pray you get punched excruciatingly hard again and again. And again. The zing of zesty gooey shortcake in cahoots with succulent blueberries might get you caught aggressively finger licking. But hey, we’re not judging; only encouraging and enabling.
The LMJ provides not just peanut-buttery comfort to the hopeless and downtrodden but it ignites a chocolaty flame in your disillusioned belly (and disgruntled psyche) to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes! Oozing with Peanut Butter Cups, this cookie will tantalize your tastebuds as well as your spirit to go ahead, be afraid, and DO IT ANYWAY.
Trigger warning: This is NOT your grandma’s age-old, simple-and-safe choc-chip cookie. This b*tch is wicked. Packed with secret ingredients, this covert choc-chip demon is beyond horrendously bad. You’ll get hooked... and so will your grandma. Angelically light but viciously addictive, you’ll OD on this - and survive - only to relive the experience over and over (and over). Cookiegasms are a thing. Thank (or curse) us later.
Have you heard of a French Chokehold? Neither have we! That's why we created one! This French dominatrix is dripping wet with gooey truffle lava and drenched with local fresh milk, Parisian cremé and every variation of decadent chocolate imaginable. Did you just climax? How predictable!
Best gluten-free dessert. EVER. *Mic drop*
An absolute monstrosity with the power of changing lives. Silky creamy PB collides with chewy oats to create a fit abomination packed with premium chocolate chunks and candy. This flavor baby will leave you thinking “gluten-free” may be the best lifestyle choice you ever made.
PS: You won't be the same after tasting it. Trust.
Simple but Sexy, Modest but Revealing, Conservative yet Progressive, this modern take on a timeless classic will compel you to shuck the shackles of tradition and follow your deepest inhibitions to go WILD. This soft buttery sugary goodness will have you fully satisfied but you also keep your dignity so you can look yourself in the mirror tomorrow and not have chocolate all over your face. BUYER BEWARE: One might not be enough so ordering multiple is STRONGLY ADVISED
Imagine a risqué encounter that bawls an eccentric gratification so implicitly adrenalizing, it just makes you put a sock in it! The mouth-watering hazelnut filling erotically enveloped in this flirtatiously crumbly churro biscuit will leave consumers shrieking with electric feelings one could only hope to concoct in a provocatively raunchy hallucination. Oof, could it get any steamier?! Nope, it cannot.
Inspired by our heroic, ultra-masculine brother Joey who is characterized by a charming machismo that inhabits a soft, sensitive-yet-fierce protective side, lead us to create this one-of-a-kind strapping celebration of our brother in cookie form. A robust snack, the IC is well fortified with rich chocolate, unapologetically-crispy cornflakes, hints of toasted shredded coconut, potent homemade PB and a manful of crunchy oats laced with volcanic Iowa pride. This treat is the ULTIMATE STUD.
If you're a hater (or want to convert one), these chocolate chip supremacies are for you. With the grandeur of our most expensive chocolate and majestic homemade toffee, a gift of these could turn any vile hater into an obsessively compulsive lover lusting over every inch of the ground you crawl on. True Story.
Lightly tender and densely seductive, the GMIPs will seize your spirit with such belligerent tenacity that you might need to regain control of your sensibilities. The superbly rich white chocolate‘s intimate affair with illegitimately juicy raspberries might leave you slightly unhinged. But it’ll be hell of a tale to tell. Or not!
DAMMMMM!
The name roars it LOUDEST. Inspired (& turned on) by the Double Alpha mentality that could force you to your knees, this cookie king is a robust phenomenon. These BAD boys, excuse us, these BAD MEN are masculated with mega stuffed Oreos, European Chocolate and sultry sprinkles. Don't be intimidated; just let these Double Alphas penetrate the best parts of you. And that vibration you feel down South; totally expected, hence we advise you welcome it.
Fall prey to temptation right NOW because this treat is a serial seducer with zero moral compass! A butterscotch hoe with the allure of chocolate, a tight grip of our homemade toffee and the kinky crunch of salty pretzels will entice you into super inappropriate feelies. Are you aroused yet?
Dealers Choice Box
7 for $30 | 13 for $55 | 25 for $100 | 55 for $200 | 140 for $500
Too rushed, lazy, sexually charged or just plain fickle to make a decision? Or you just don't wanna f**k with the menu? We got you!
Put your hands up and surrender! This unique cake will transform you into a demigod amongst your tribe. There’s no half-assing the “Rail Me or Jail Me”; it requires a full-on dedicated following. Yes, it's that sensually corrupt. Highly recommended for all cookie fiends who live for dirty pleasures only.